Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Managing Emotions and Life..... Easier Said Than Done!

   Just like the title above says managing emotions and every day life is completely easier said than DONE!

   I haven't been very active on my post in the past week because last Wednesday at my son's doctor's appointment we were faced with a lot of information and a lot of complicated emotions that we weren't sure how to deal with. Still today we aren't sure how to deal with things and truly don't believe we will be able to begin to deal with things until after another MRI on the 30th. Well I guess once we get the results of that we will be able to move forward. Right now a lot of things are up in the air and we as parents are just having to sit back and wait.

   Now waiting for me is hard but watching my husband try and stay calm about things when we don't have answers and are concerned is completely heartbreaking! He tries so hard to be our family rock and he is successful about 99% of the time but lately I have noticed that between life in general and him trying to still be that rock and not show emotions on our sons condition it has become a lot difficult for him and he has become more distant.

   Most women would think," he's flipping out for no reason" or "he's messing around" or "hes ticked at me". After 8 years I know when he gets distant like this its none of those reasons its all because he does the same thing I did and bottles his emotions up.

   This is a man who works hard every day to provide for us, make sure we have a house to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear, and at night and every morning a kiss and an I love you. He is an amazing husband, father, brother, and son!

   When he tries to manage his emotions and life, life wins every time because he is bound and determined to be that rock!

   Now with me it's about 50/50. Right now though emotions are definitely winning. I know that yes I can't change anything that is going on so why worry about it? Well I worry because I already have lost two of the most important people in my life in the past two years. When I think of everything my son battles on a daily basis it scares me to death to think there could be a day that I wont get to spend with him. Every day that he pushes through the seizures and the delays and doesn't pull out his feeding tube is one AWESOME day in my book.

   But it's those days like last Wednesday that make me worry what we know isn't all whats going on. Not knowing how I can help him feel better or strive to accomplish things is down right difficult. If I could I would take away all his pain and suffering and make him a happy healthy 2 year old.

   I'd give anything to be the parent of two healthy kids. But im not. I'm a parent to two amazing, vibrant, happy kids. Health is important but being able to see my kids smile at least once a day for now is worth all the heart break and sadness those doctors appointments and hospital stays bring.

   Managing emotions and life aren't easy but as the day to day comes and goes all I can do wake up each day and strive to make things the best they can be WITH my husband for OUR kids.

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